Testing the water

A group of Melbourne cafes wants to charge customers for tap water. Good luck to them.

They will be doing it under the banner of Drink For Change, a public-awareness event that supports cafes across Victoria who want to save water. For one week, customers at participating cafes will be urged to donate change for their “complimentary” water. The money raised in these cafes “will go towards initiatives that will help the cafe save water”.

The organisers don’t appear to have put a value on that glass of water yet. Perhaps they are just testing the temperature of local reaction. A “token” sum is being suggested.

(Mmmm. Water tokens. We could buy WC (water conservation) tokens at the corner store with our tram tickets and postage stamps and drop a couple in the token bowl at the cafe till. Cafe owners could cash them in at the State WC department once they produce a receipt to show they have installed dual flush loos, economy-cycle dishwashers or taps that turn themselves off.)

In return, cafes are offered “Public recognition – benefit from the event's PR campaign, including website exposure and potential photo opportunities and local media exposure.”

Early response to news of the campaign, earmarked for December 1-8, had several commenters on the Fairfax Digital website wanting a list of participating cafes so they could avoid them. Maybe not the sort of public recognition sought.

I think the whole water business is getting out of hand. Restaurants aren’t so water-conscious when it comes to pushing bottled water. And waiters are often pretty quick to uncap and plant another bottle on the table when the first round has barely touched the lips. If only they were as diligent with the tap water which sometimes almost has to be begged for and can be delivered sniffily.

Cafes themselves could save hundreds of litres of water if they eased back a bit on the volume of salad greens they put on a plate. What diner needs a family-sized salad bowl of greens supporting a few slices of chicken or some Thai beef? All that picking over the rabbit food in search of a morsel of protein. It’s just smoke and mirrors to make it look like a generous helping. Most of lettuce leaves – which requires a lot of water to produce - end up in the rubbish.

And will cafes stop at tap water? Next they’ll be charging for peeling the vegetables, adjusting the seasoning, garnishing the dishes. There’ll be a levy for background music. And a charge to use the toilet facilities?

If cafes are trying to send out the message that they are taking a responsible approach to water usage, then surely they won’t object if patrons help them out and starting bringing their own water flasks from home. In fact, we could ask for a discount for doing so.

And if Melbourne’s water watch people are serious, they should advocate a quick re-think on the current hosing restrictions. Currently we can water between 6-8am on two days a week. On warm days, the water doesn’t even get a chance to soak in before it starts evaporating as the temperature rises. That's extremely wasteful. Watering between 10pm and midnight would make far more sense and do more good. Or is the 6-8am timeframe merely intended to be a deterrent?

One of the side-effects of dehydration is confusion. There seems to be plenty of that about when it comes to the current water shortage.